I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
