i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drake has all the answers
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
