so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this must be what syphilis tastes like
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
