I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
