just come out here and I will go home with you...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
