P.S. I can't hear my feet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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