You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
