There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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