I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
