Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
