Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
