Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
