You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
