you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
