The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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