How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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