you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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