I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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