There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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