Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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