those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Alive.
So much puke
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
