I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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