he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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