Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
