i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
