I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
