At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
