idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
