I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
