Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
