it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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