If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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