We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
