I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
