So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
