i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
