I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
