I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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