I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
