covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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