you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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