well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
