Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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