who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
