Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
