she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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