Betty ford says i'm here all night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
