As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
