wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
