someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
