Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
