she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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