When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
