Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
