Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize