"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
