The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
