You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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