my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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