New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
