3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm jealous of your bromance
Quick, to the slutcave!
why do cheetos always look like penises
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
