A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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