Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
