gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
