you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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