I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
