They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
