i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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